


love, me

by Uzulover



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bruce banner does yoga, Depression, Dr. Yao runs it, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, I'm Sorry, Jealousy, Loki is a boxing instructor, M/M, References to Addiction, Slow Burn, Stark Industries is changed to Strange Incorporated, Stephen Strange Dies, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, a sexy boxing instructor, buckle up stony is hella slow but worth it, the Sanctum is a grief/wellness resort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 20:43:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uzulover/pseuds/Uzulover
Summary: Grief is a slippery slope, one that Tony seems to be losing to.After the love of his life dies, he isolates himself from everyone he knows even his neighbours in his new apartment complex.Little did he know that Steve Rogers lives next door.Someone who's known to be a hoarder of the broken.And six months after his husband's death, Tony is way past broken.According to Clint, it's a match made in heaven.





	love, me

**Author's Note:**

> It's me, ya girl back at it with the angst.  
And this one is gonna be long and teary.  
Anyway one thing to know is that Tony changed his name to Antonio. The reason will be revealed later on.

  
He knows what his neighbours think of him.

They try to hide behind their smiles and shining blue eyes, fiery red hair and stony gazes, but Tony knows.

The one who looks like a Russian MMA fighter, the fucking nightmare of nightmares, says one day im the hall:  
"Oh he's moved in here for three months now, and we still never saw his face once. We don't even know if he's alive in there"

They call him names like Bigfoot and the Yeti (especially the blonde with the hawk tattoo on his arm), make it into a game, where anyone who sees him outside his apartment would win five dollars or some shit.  
He always knew his pain was as cheap as you could get.

Rhodey calls bullshit. Pepper threatens to slice their balls off and even offers to help him hide the bodies.

"They're just curious" Rhodey says, one day when he finallys gets a day off. He spent the first half of the morning at Carol's before the two barged into the living room with beer and take out.  
"We got you wine, you uppity asshole" Rhodey had said when Tony frowned at the Budweiser.  
Carol is sitting in front of the televison, lazily lounging with a beer on her hand, her hair tied in a messy bun, wearing one of Rhodey's hoodies and a pair of black leggings, the perfect juxtapositon that she is. Rhodey is sitting at her feet, his head pressed on her thigh, as she scratches at his scalp. They're the perfect picture of happiness, that it leaves him achy.  
"Why don't you go over and say hi?" Carol encourages and Tony scoffs as he slumps down on the Lazy Boy, his hand already cradled with a glass of red wine.  
His hair is short this time, the temples riddled with grey and his entire lower face has been taken hostage by his facial hair. He's wearing one of<strike> Steph-</strike>His shirts, a fainted pink shirt he had ruined when they started living together. The sleeves had to be rolled up to his elbows or they would drown him, the collar opened, as the blue tattoo peeked out for the world to glimpse at. He's wearing a pair of grey sweatpants with a pair of black socks, because his feet often got cold.  
"Nope" Tony says and Carol pats Rhodey's arm when his back tenses. Unlike before, Tony hardly speaks anymore. He's withdrawn and wary in a way that leaves Rhodey angry, not at his brother but at the unfairness of the world.  
"They'll like you" Carol tells him and Tony glances at her from the corner of his eyes, his left hand trembling on his lap. "They just dont know you" she adds as Elsa starts to sing. Tony doesn't say anything, he just turns his head.

"We'll call you" Rhodey says against his temple, his body curled tightly against Tony's. They're standing in the open doorway, where anyone can see them, and he knows that they're only doing this so the rumors and the games would stop. He chuckles as Carol smiles at him from over Rhodey's shoulder, and he reaches out so they can twine their fingers together. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself" he whispers and Tony can only nod, as they cling to each other on the threshold.  
"Don't stop fighting" Carol tells him and she presses a kiss to his forehead as they pull away from each other.  
He wants to promise that he will at least try, but the words remain stuck under his tongue, too heavy to utter, too fake to be true, so he remains silent and nods again.  
"Love ya kid" Rhodey says and his lips twitch as they board the opening elevator and Tony's spine stiffen as that pretty teenager, the one with red hair, too dark to be fiery, that reminds him of spilt wine and pouring blood, steps out into the hall, her eyes wide when she sees him. She's openly gaping at Rhodey and Carol, who don't hide their amusement, even cheekily waving at her before the doors close.

They're left alone together, the silence deafening and cold, as she studies him. When her eyes stray at the dull gold band on his finger, pity clouds her eyes. "Hi" she whispers, and there's bit of an accent in her throaty voice. She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear and gazes at him shyly. "My name's Wanda" she adds and he thinks that if he was alive, he would have appreciated the mysterious aura that this girl carries around her, almost like magic.  
"Antonio" he rasps and she flinches a little when he answers. It's probably the first time he's acknowledged one of his neighbours enough to speak, so it's the first time any of them has heard his voice.  
"It's Italian?" She asks and he nods, shifting his weight on his right leg, his pants dragging against the floor. She opens her mouth to say something, when a door is yanked open. Music drifts into the air, and Tony freezes. It's Sinatra. Tony can feel his hand spasm as a voice in his mind ticks off all there is to know about the track. The blonde, the stiff one (not the one he dubbed Hawkass) who lives with the Russian nightmare steps out into the hall with a bag of trash in his hand. His face lights up as he sees Wanda, and as though he didn't notice Tony (he didn't) he looks around until his icy gaze meets his own blank stare.  
"Hey Steve" Wanda speaks up when she can feel how uncomfortable he is getting as the hulking blonde stares at him. Steve's head snaps to her and his eyes soften when he smiles at her. She pushes him down the hall, her hand on his back gently and he finally takes the hint. He glances at them once before he leaves, and she can see how life returns to Antonio's frozen body. "It was nice to meet you" she tells him and Antonio nods as he disappears into his apartment, the man once again gone into hiding. She decides not to go back into her own apartment and steps into Steve's. Bucky is laying on the couch, Natasha laying limp on his body, her head pressed against his chest, right over his heart, Sam is sitting on one of the stools agruing with Scott and Clint is perched near the kitchen eating cereal. He perks up when she steps inside, signing at her "You look happy" the man signs with a giddy smile. They all love it when she's happy.  
"You got laid, kitten?" Bucky asks without raising his head and he laughs when she shows him her middle finger.  
"I just saw him" she announces and they stare at her like she's just grown another head.  
"Yeti?" Clint asks, since he had placed his hearing aids back on.  
"I hate when you call him that" Steve says as he closes the door behind him. He washes his hand while Clint rolls his eyes. "What did he say to you?" He asks and Wanda shrugs off her coat, to join Clint near the kitchen.  
"His name" she says and Natasha is now sitting in Bucky's lap, her eyes narrowed. "Antonio" she breathes and murmurs flood the apartment at the revelation.

  
Tony finds himself on the rooftop again. He's sitting near the ledge, staring at the murky night, at the lights that never leave, the town that never sleeps, at the people who never stopped walking around, like ants in a busy colony. Always moving forward without any time to just stop. His dreams were too vivid again, he could hear the screaming, could feel the blood filling his mouth until he choked, could feel glass digging into his palms and the way his flesh gave way to the metal lodged in his chest, could see those eyes, staring out at him, begging him not to save him, but to "Live, Tony"  
His mind is too cramped, his skin feels too tight, like its stretched too thin over fragile bones, that if he makes a sudden move, he'll burst at the seams. He wants another drink, but he's trying to cut back, especially after last week when he nearly drowned in his own shower after he passed out. He pinches at his nose, hoping to relieve the building pressure at his forehead, when he feels someone staring at him. "That doesn't help, you know" a deep voice says and he glances at the blonde he nicknamed the Captain in his mind, joins him on the ledge.  
"I know" he replies and the Captain nods at him.  
"I like to come up here too" the man confesses and Tony has to look away at the grief carefully hidden behind those brilliant blue eyes. He wonders about the person who slipped away from this man. "It's like getting lost in a crowd. No one knows you exist, so they don't bother you. Here, you can just breathe" the man whispers with a lengthy exhale. Tony knows how deep that fatigue goes, knows that he has his own demons that keep up him at night, that robs him of sleep, that steals away his peace and leaves him hollow in a way that shatters the mind into an unsalvagable mess. Tony doesn't need to respond, because he knows the man knows that he can relate. When words aren't exchanged, they remain in a companiable silence, listening to the muted sounds of the city and looking out at the glittering lights that chase away the darkness. "I'm Steve" the man blurts out and Tony flinches a little at the loud tone the man takes.  
"Antonio" he says and tilts his head back so that he can look at him in the eyes. The smile he receives is so bright, his fingers tremble, because it's been a long time since he's illicted such a reaction from someone, and the tiny part that had always coveted the company of humans, that loved people just for the sake of loving them, preens at that smile. He looks away, when blue becomes too probing and misses the way those eyes flicker with sadness. He stands with a forced ease, and awkwardly smiles at Steve, who is comfortable now with openly staring at him in a way that it seems like he's trying to understand him. Too bad, only a select few get a chance, he thinks to himself while he nods at Steve before walking away.


End file.
